Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
