My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize