dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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