im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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