I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
