hell yes lets make some ravioli
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
