Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
