Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
