Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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