I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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