I didn't shave. On purpose
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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