you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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