Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
