She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize