think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
