pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
