i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
