There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
