Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
