You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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