I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
