Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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