Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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