There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can text with my tongue
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
