I wish i was in the wii world.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
