Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
