when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
