tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
