i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
