The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
