I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
