he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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