Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize