You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
