All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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