capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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