we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
