Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
