I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
