Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
