We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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