I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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