My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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