He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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