I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
