Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
