It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
