So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
