You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
