those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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