see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
