i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
