So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
