I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
