my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
