from now on my penis is your penis
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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