I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
