Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
