you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
