Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
