So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
