Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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