It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
