you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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