we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize