Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
