Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
