Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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