dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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