i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
someone owes me an orgasm
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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