You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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