whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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